Christmas -- The Most Dramatic Time of the Year.

So I won't pretend my Christmas day was perfect. We had 3 generations in the house, and, while we were all happy to be together, days like this do not pass without tension. Tension is guaranteed. It is inevitable. Unavoidable.

While it is tempting to post a few cozy pictures of happy kids with all their presents, the reality for most of us is that conflict arises on days like this. We want to ignore it, pretend it doesn't happen, act like our family times together are enchanted and perfect. But, if your family is anything like mine, then you know what I'm saying has the ring of truth.

I'll admit it: My 5 year old son had a temper tantrum at the breakfast table. He stayed up way too late last night, in anticipation of Santa Claus. He woke up in the middle of the night, too wound up to sleep, and took a long time to settle back down again. His blood sugar was surely at an all-time low, and he hadn't really even had a bite to eat yet. We stopped the present opening to eat something, and the meltdown ensued shortly thereafter.

I don't know if you have recently witnessed a 5 year old meltdown, but it's not pretty. In fact, chances are, if you have seen one, you've blocked it from your memory due to the trauma-inducing tendencies of it. I mention this not from my own personal experience, but in deference to my 70 yr. old mother, who found herself compelled to excuse herself from the table due to the hearing-aid, pain-inflicting shrieks that came from his adorable mouth. Great beginning to a beautiful day, guaranteed to create long-lasting memories of family bonding for all of us.

Dinner brought a new twist of family tension. Rather than focusing on the needs of the 5-year old child, we decided instead to switch our attention to more pressing and adult matters. The dinner discussion seemed to land on starvation, stewardship, religion, and similar chit-chatty topics. Let your imagination run wild with the festive, celebrational air that held court around my dining room table. (let's admit, tho', the world's problems were never solved during celebration...)

So, anyway, you can imagine that my 5 year old Ben was less-than-enthused by this dinner topic. He was eager to leave the table. We wrapped up dinner & started clearing up when the event that caused my own personal temper tantrum occurred.

I heard my mom pulling aside my older son, Bob. She whispered to him something along the lines of this: "your grandfather grew up in a household where children under 12 were kept in the basement to eat dinner and not allowed at the grown up table."

Now, I understand that there can be a certain nostalgia for the past, but my mother is the first to criticize my dad for his social & emotional failings, and I could not let this comment pass. As a rational adult, I have to believe she was reacting to the emotions of having a lively debate at the dinner table. But, having heard for years how my father struggled with social interaction, I was shocked and upset to hear this proclamation on how my child (a) shouldn't be allowed to be himself & interact with adults and (b) shouldn't be exposed to conversations that were adult in nature (not inappropriate, but complex views of the world.)

Sadly, the Christmas spirit was completely ruined when I decided to open my mouth & lecture my mother how completely wrong & inappropriate she was, not to think such a thing, but to vocalize it to my children.

I am endlessly happy that my mother was able to join us for Christmas. And I am even thankful that we have opportunities to have discussions about the world. Many people I know are denied that, for a variety of reasons.

Isn't it ironic that, while I was growing up, I heard my mother rail against the backward, staid views of her own mother. She thought she definitely had the edge on her own mother's world views, and know how to raise her children "right." It is tempting for me to feel that way too. Except I must remind myself that my children will one day, too, grow up & have children. And I will have opinions about how they are raising their children.

So, for that reason, I find I must give my mom a pass this Christmas season, lest I one day here this....."I told you so!!"